This past Thursday night, the FAU Student Government Board hosted a Valentine’s Day poetry slam where students were able to read their original romance-themed work to a record-breaking crowd of eleven.
While the audience numbers caused a stir, the poets remained the focus. “I wanted to explore the social phenomenon known as ‘Netflix and Chill’ that has infiltrated today’s youth,” explained sophomore Alex Diaz, whose groundbreaking new poem ‘Netflix and Kill (My Heart): A Dissection of Modern Dating’ kicked off the readings. “I find it barbaric, archaic, misogynistic, vulgar, intrusive, insolent, and he said he’d text me to hang again but that was 2 weeks ago. I’m doing fine.”
Some audience members expressed concern with the content of the pieces. English professor Joselyn Travers said, “Like, we get it. I don’t need to hear a thousand times that ‘love is just a release of endorphins’. These students are so goddamn pretentious.”
The most exciting performance of the night was from senior Mike Steinberg. At 87 years old, Steinberg is the oldest freshman in FAU history, so he had quite a few things to say about love. He has allowed us at The Hoot to publish an excerpt from his poem:
I am looking for the bathroom.
Please, stop snapping.
Somebody, anybody, just point
in the direction of the bathroom.
I really need to go.
After his performance, Mike proceeded to pee his pants out of passion, then faint. Junior Amanda Vrishna unintentionally captured the entire finale in the background of a Snapchat selfie video with the caption “Forever alone.” As of noon today, the video has garnered over three thousand views on YouTube.
Organizers hope to make this an annual event, thanks to the unprecedented attendance. “We’ve never hosted an arts event this popular,” said SGA president Kathryn Edmunds. “With enough promotion, maybe even an audience of twelve is possible in the future.”