5 Empty Promises To Make To Yourself This Semester

1. I promise I will say no to drugs: No, seriously, I’m not about to like, totally screw my semester up by getting into cigs or something like that. I’ll stick to my Juul.

2. I promise I will only crack open a cold one if it’s with the boys: I don’t think I’d even be interested in drinking by myself anyways. I don’t really fuck with it. Maybe once I’m 21.

3. I promise I will get 8 hours of sleep every night: I need to treat my body and mind with care if I want to thrive this school year. That’s why I’m taking all of my classes in afternoon, so that I can go back to my dorm and game until 6 a.m., sleep until 2 p.m., and then go to class. It’s perfect.

4. I promise I will not fall for Jessica Cole again: I’m DONE with that heartless bitch! I never want to think about her and her beautiful brown eyes, curly hair, soft freckles, and organized planner ever again. Sigh…

5. I promise it will all be worth it: Of course it will be. All the work, the stress, the subpar homework assignments… All of this has ought to amount to something meaningful, right? Right?