A Short History of FAU Blood Sacrifice

Once in a while here at The Hoot, we like to take a break from the breaking news to reflect on FAU’s past. Today, we want to apply a critical lens on a rarely known, and rather secret ritual that took place on campus: blood sacrifice. Yes, you read that right. The pagan founders of this university offered blood to their false gods in an attempt to appease and glorify them.

This dark moment in an otherwise unblemished history for FAU started back in the ancient time of 1964. At the time, FAU was holding its opening ceremony by awarding President Lyndon B. Johnson an honorary doctorate degree. After the ceremony ended, allegedly President Johnson held a private meeting at the student union. He brought forward a bright-eyed and innocent intern that had luckily secured the position only the day before. Facing the gathered crowd, standing upon the FAU seal, our resources tell us President Johnson announced to the crowd that he intended on blessing the University with a dedication of his own. He brandished a long knife with intricate engravings, pulled the intern close and cut his throat open in front of everyone.

From that moment on, a tradition was born. The beginning of every Fall semester marked another blood sacrifice on the seal at the student union. These sacrifices always involved an innocent victim, unknowingly chosen as an offering to whatever twisted fucking god President Johnson worshiped. These ceremonies were of course held in secret, and they seemed to have continued until 1999. The reasons they ended are unknown, but we do know that the curse of the seal was born out of multiple reports and suspicious things seen there.

So, there’s a little-known quirky historical fact about our beloved school. Nothing crazy, just blood sacrifice in an American university that lasted 35 years and started by a President. In other news, freshman Tyler Offering has been reported missing.