Abandoned Twitter Account Doomed To Tweet Daily Automated Horoscopes Forever

Displaying no apparent intention of stopping any time soon, area man Damian Baird’s six-year-old abandoned Twitter account remained doomed to tweet daily automated horoscopes until Hell freezes over, sources reported Monday. “I never like unfollowing people I know because I’m scared that I’ll run into them one day and they’ll make me feel awkward about it, but I don’t think Damian’s ever coming back,” said Laura Harris, Baird’s former high school classmate, her thumb hovering tentatively over the ‘Unfollow’ button on his ill-fated account. “At some point, he must have linked his account to that Twittascope thing and forgot his password or something because all I ever see from him anymore is today’s Sagittarius horoscope. He used to be one of those guys that retweeted porn and made all of his followers feel uncomfortable. Nowadays, he might as well be a bot, just a sad husk of his former horny self.” At press time, reporters were unable to contact Baird but confirmed that his enthusiasm does prove infectious today.