Absolute Fucking Monster Steals Everyone’s Unassigned Assigned Seats

Over four weeks into the semester, students in a local Interpretation of Fiction class are struggling to grapple with some absolute fucking monster who keeps stealing everyone’s unassigned assigned seats, according to close sources. It is an unspoken university rule that, although most professors do not assign seats, students are to sit at the same desk for the remainder of the semester. Some harbingers of chaos, however, do not appreciate this rule and steal seats from their fellow classmates for evil purposes. 

“How could he do this to all these innocent people?” said sophomore Anna Ramirez, painstakingly creating name tags for each desk. “I felt so safe and comfortable in my seat and that monster just ripped it away from me.”

The CAPS center has issued a comment on the matter, claiming that stealing unassigned assigned seats is a “dangerous practice that could result in traumatic experiences” for those who have to find a new seat every class.

At press time, sources revealed that students have begun lining up outside the classroom door at least an hour before every class to prevent their unassigned assigned seats from being taken by the vile demon spawn.