Heads in the FAU lunchroom turned today as Alt-Right student leader and Liberal Arts major Brad Chencers let out a shriek and began pouncing on a plastic-wrapped PB&J. “PEANUTS!? JELLY?!?!? Oh, HEcK No! THis is not the America I know and love!”
A crowd of curious students was quick to gather around Outtakes due to the commotion. However, as soon as the gathered students caught a glimpse of Mr. Chencers furiously wrestling with the PB&J, they proceeded back to their daily activities, unphased by the violence.
“It’s so obvious, dude. It’s freaking peanut butter, jelly, and Brad Chencers,” said junior Timothy Grapes.
When asked about his hatred for PB&J, Chencers replied, “Peanut butter and jelly? Ridiculous.”
Other students had their own say on the incident. “Brad? No way. He loves all sandwiches,’” said sophomore Angie Ballanger, who typically received compliments from Chencers on her plain salami sandwich.
President Kelly declined to comment further on the hostile situation, saying only that “sandwiches and what you put on them aren’t my business.” A protest of this incident is currently being planned for 11pm EST at Engineering South.