Alumnus Finally Makes Enough to Afford Luxurious McDonald’s Dinner

After a great deal of toil and tears over the last ten years, FAU alumnus Francine DuBois has finally landed a job where she makes enough money to treat herself to a “divine” McDonald’s meal. “This is the happiest day of my life,” she said,  wiping a tear from her eye with her hamburger bun. “After years of laboring at $9 an hour in destructive retail environments, I finally landed a new job where I get paid $12 an hour — enough to afford a delicious and wholesome dinner!”

Francine’s story is one common to the alumni population. “It’s like a rite of passage,” says Michael Davis, three years an FAU alumnus. “We strive to live on meager funds from a job that has nothing to do with our degrees, only to progress to a job that still has nothing to do with our degrees, but at least pays a bit more. The feeling of that first delicious bite of a dinner you buy yourself… it’s like you finally know how that caveman felt when he brought home the deer.”

Other students who have experienced this same journey said that the moment “when you [finally] get paid enough for this shit” is incredible. “Dealing with people all day is exhausting and disheartening, especially when you deal with the dregs of society that fester around Boca,” said Michelle Ferry, FAU Class of 2001. “But when you can end your day with a Premium Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Bacon Clubhouse Sandwich? I’m lovin’ it.”

While proud of herself, Francine made it clear that this luxurious expense will be the only one for the foreseeable future. “Tomorrow it’s back to ramen and crippling anxiety over future student loan payments. But at least I got to celebrate once!”