An Open Letter From A Disney Intern

Hey Howdy Hey, folks!

It’s your local Disney Intern here to tell you all about what I’ve been doing since January.

See, it all started with a Mouse, Mickey Mouse, to be exact. He also happens to be my employer. You might think that having a boss who eats cheese all day and constantly says, “Oh boy!” and “See ya real soon!” gets annoying, and you are absolutely correct.

In my job, I do a little bit of talking and a lot of moving strollers in the dead heat that is Florida’s pre-summer.

The tagline for Disneyland “The Most Magical Place on Earth” and, honestly, it needs to be renamed to “Kids, Kids, Strollers, and Angry Parents!” The amount of strollers that are at Disney is astounding, you could give every resident of Florida their own stroller and my parking lot would still be full. But enough about strollers, let’s talk about the juicy stuff: Attractions.

Since being here, I have been entrusted with the duty of operating three attractions: Mickey’s Philharmagic, Princess Fairytale Hall, and Prince Charming Regal Carousel. Yes, now would be the time to “ooh” and “ahh.” Who in their right mind would put a couple of 20-year-olds in charge of attractions beats me, but here we are. So, between telling people to use both of the turnstiles and asking how many people are in one’s party, my day is pretty boring. We are constantly reminded that we have to make a “Magical Moment” for the guests, but the only magical moment I want to make is clocking the fuck out of here.

I was promised that the guests would be tolerable and the princesses would be nice to us, but I was unpleasantly surprised to find myself laboring away at their every command. Tiana orders me to make her wig every day, plus she once made me perfect her beignet recipe. Rapunzel was worse, hanging out with her you had to watch your every step because she always carried her frying pan around. I have caught a couple of slaps to the head, unfortunately.

So, if you’re thinking about doing this “life-changing, earth-shattering” program, be my guest. But keep in mind, the Disney College Program is not for the faint of heart; you need to be prepared for countless missing strollers, being victimized by guests, and putting on a fake smile for 10-hour days to work for this company.

To end it all, this program has been life-changing — in positive and negative ways. I have never been surrounded by more Disney-loving freaks like myself, and it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only person who worships the ground that Walt himself laid down. So, if you see me in the last three weeks in Fantasyland, come say hey!

Well, that’s all, folks!