An Open Letter From The Dirty Laundry In Your Chair

Dear Human, 

I really shouldn’t be as surprised as I am about our relationship. Over the last year or so, you’ve been spending less and less time with me, too busy with “Tik Tok” and “School Work” and “having mental breakdowns.” You’ve been doing me less and less, and it’s sad. We’ve been together for so long, and I really don’t want this wedge between us to drive us even further apart. 

I get it, I really do. Y’know I have my own stuff too, and I don’t need to spend every waking minute with you, but the only time we see each other is in the morning and at night. You only touch me when you take me from your desk chair and drop me on your bed and then again when you take me from bed to chair. That’s just teasing, really. Everytime you place me on your bed and sit in your chair with that determined look of yours, I get so excited. I think you’re finally going to do me, but then you turn around and go on your computer. 

I’ve tried everything. Subtle hints like dropping a towel on the floor or making sure your underwear is visible when your roommate walks in, but you’re not getting it. So, I’m begging you. Please, just do me already, and run me on the delicate cycle. It’s been a while. 

With love, 

The Dirty Laundry In Your Chair