Archaeologists have been hired to excavate the Wimberly Library after the amazing discovery of ancient drawings on cubbies located throughout the building. Student Marcus Goode first stumbled upon the hieroglyphs Thursday afternoon. “I’d just sat down at a cubby to study for my Economics class when I noticed all the drawings and graffiti. And then, after a few seconds, I saw it: A bubble-lettered ‘S.’ And I said, ‘Oh, this shit is oooooold.’”
And old it was. Archaeologists have now uncovered hundreds of drawings, some dating as far back as 2002. Dr. Sheridan, an anthropologist sent from the Smithsonian, says that these are some of the most important archaeological finds of the past year. “It’s incredible how great a condition they’re in. They provide invaluable insight into the lives of these ancient people.” She admits that while most of the drawings are obviously phallic, as a whole they tell a story: the human story. Take an inscription found this morning, a heart shape with the words “John and Keisha forever – 2009” in the middle. Its simplicity and universal appeal moves Dr. Sheridan to tears. “As a person who has dedicated her entire life to uncovering our past, I can’t help but get emotional.”
FAU’s own Schmidt Gallery is already putting some of the pieces on display. Of particular note are the scribbled names of fraternities, marking the first time FAU has exhibited Greek ruins. Students have been pouring in by the droves to marvel at these discoveries, perhaps hoping to find a connection with this once-forgotten people.
With the present looking into the past, Dr. Sheridan gains a new hope for the future: “Looking down at an etching of a penis spewing semen all over a smiley face sporting a Hitler ‘stache, I can’t help but ask myself, ‘Where are we going?’”