Breezeway Focuses On Inner Beauty After Spiritual Spring Break

The FAU Breezeway returned Monday morning with a newfound appreciation of itself, announcing that it would halt exterior construction and focus instead on its inner beauty. The decision came after a week-long Spring Break “quantum consciousness actualization” retreat in the foothills in the European Alps, where it learned that it had been focusing on the wrong parts of itself these past two years. “It got to a point where nothing was enough,” the Breezeway said. “No extra layers of paint, no amount of new roof tiles could make me happy.” At the retreat, the structure learned about how “balancing your thermal electron equilibrium” and “having a nice personality” was more important than drawing attention to physical characteristics, no matter how many lawsuits may result from your deteriorating walls. “I’m done worrying about what society says I should look like. From now on, you’re all going to see the real me, undaunted by the mantras our fifth-dimensional overlords have hammered into the collective hivemind.” Unfortunately for students, university officials must now rewrite student liability waivers to make up for the Breezeway’s rejection of physical renovations, pushing back the re-opening date to July 2037.