The Hoot is saddened to report troubling news this afternoon. A campus iguana has tested positive for the Coronavirus. The iguana – an orange-brown, 3 foot male – was found over the weekend near the College of Arts and Letters building. It was found by Marc Tuckerberg, FAU’s local lizard enthusiast. “I was just returning a Brown Anole that I…erm…borrowed, over the weekend, when I spotted Adam,” Adam being the name Marc gave the iguana. “He looked at me with those sad beady eyes and – and – sorry, this is hard for me,” our reporter noted that Marc cried silently for 5 minutes before composing himself. “He just started coughing, and then he vomited. It was horrible. I have never seen anything like it,” Marc said, once again, on the verge of tears.
The Hoot caught up with Dr. Draconia to learn more about the lizard’s health status. “This is a very interesting case as it’s the first documented case of a reptile contracting SARS-CoV-2. In fact, there aren’t many supported cases of an animal contracting covid besides, of course, humans.” Our reporter then asked what the implications of that are. “The implications are far and wide, but perhaps the most significant takeaway is the fact that my paper on Lizardfolk has a lot more evidence and support.” Our reporter laughed, asking the doctor if she was serious. Dr. Draconia then suddenly became very hostile towards our reporter, so the interview was cut drastically short.
At press time, The Hoot has been informed that Adam the iguana, Marc Tuckerberg, and Dr. Draconia have been reported missing. Our reporter has also not shown up to our meeting. This is a developing story. Our prayers are with Adam and his family.