Campuswide Depression Cured with Student’s Groundbreaking Advice to ‘Think on the Bright Side’

A campuswide cure for depression has been found in one student’s groundbreaking advice to “think on the bright side!” The scientific breakthrough, optimism, has been found to ease, if not completely eradicate, all symptoms of depression. Students have been shocked by the effectiveness of the cure and lack of harmful side effects. “Honestly, after trying it, I felt absolutely cured,” said formerly depressed student Ivan Payne. “My fragile will to live and ever diminishing sense of self worth were gone once I considered that things could be worse and decided to cheer up.” Sophia Berkley, the student who created the cure, claims that depression is a choice and wonders why people don’t just eat healthier and focus on what makes them happy. In the face of her success, Berkley is reportedly working on a cure for anxiety next. An experimental version, “Try not to think about it!,” will be available to all students starting in November.