Professor Revealed to Be Two Raccoons in Trench Coat
On Tuesday night, a class of FAU students discovered that newly hired swimming professor Dr. Nooc was, in fact, two raccoons in a trench coat….
Animals
Littered Tailgate Beer Gets Gopher Tortoise White Girl Wasted
On Sunday morning outside of FAU football stadium, a lost gopher tortoise was found completely “shit-faced” drunk off beer cans left behind from Saturday night’s…
Report: Dickwad Squirrels Move for Nobody
The amount of squirrel-related harm to human beings at FAU has increased 52% in the past year, according to a study conducted by the University’s…
Phase One of I-95 Student Lane Complete as FAU Bulldozes Over Owl Reserve
After years of construction on the Spanish River overpass of Interstate-95, Florida Atlantic University held its official ribbon cutting ceremony Monday morning to celebrate the…
Horrifying Study Reveals a Quarter of FAU Students to Be Dragged Away by Giant Spiders
This morning, Palm Beach County released the findings of a bizarre study that confirms everyone’s fears: nearly a quarter of FAU students will be dragged…
FAU Burrowing Owls Sick of Being Marginalized
The spirits of owls who have lived on this campus for thousands of years came out and admitted yesterday that they’re beginning to feel marginalized….
FAU Ducks to Start Paying Tuition Starting Spring 2016
Monday morning President Kelly took to Periscope to announce that FAU would be officially recognizing the ducks near parking garage two as students. Although this…
Therapy Dog Needs Therapy Dog After Hearing Student Woes
FAU’s therapy-certified golden retriever Kol found himself in a dark place yesterday, after listening to students complain all week about their exams. To help him…