Lane Kiffin Recruits Mr. Wigglesworth After Monumental Puppy Bowl Performance
In an unexpected move, Mr. Wigglesworth the Shar-Pei has been recruited by Lane Kiffin to become FAU’s new starting first-string fullback. Mr. Wigglesworth had a…
Animals
Breaking: FAU Wi-Fi Powered by Single Mouse on Treadmill
Early Wednesday morning, student Jonas Kimmel discovered that FAU’s Wi-Fi system was powered by a single mouse hooked up to a treadmill. The mouse was…
Lane Kiffin Registers All Campus Raccoons as Service Animals After Navy Loss
Facing the loss of FAU football’s first home game against Navy, Head Coach Lane Kiffin contacted the National Service Animal Registry to arrange for all…
Local Red-Nosed Reindeer Dresses as Honda Odyssey
With the Holiday season in full swing, festivities and traditions have commenced across communities all over the world. One local reindeer is making headlines after…
Merciless Ducks Mug Student for Chick-fil-A
Junior Katherine Cook is now seeking closure and a possible lawsuit against FAU for emotional distress after being attacked outside Chick-fil-A in what some would…
Professor Revealed to Be Two Raccoons in Trench Coat
On Tuesday night, a class of FAU students discovered that newly hired swimming professor Dr. Nooc was, in fact, two raccoons in a trench coat….
Littered Tailgate Beer Gets Gopher Tortoise White Girl Wasted
On Sunday morning outside of FAU football stadium, a lost gopher tortoise was found completely “shit-faced” drunk off beer cans left behind from Saturday night’s…
Report: Dickwad Squirrels Move for Nobody
The amount of squirrel-related harm to human beings at FAU has increased 52% in the past year, according to a study conducted by the University’s…
Phase One of I-95 Student Lane Complete as FAU Bulldozes Over Owl Reserve
After years of construction on the Spanish River overpass of Interstate-95, Florida Atlantic University held its official ribbon cutting ceremony Monday morning to celebrate the…
Horrifying Study Reveals a Quarter of FAU Students to Be Dragged Away by Giant Spiders
This morning, Palm Beach County released the findings of a bizarre study that confirms everyone’s fears: nearly a quarter of FAU students will be dragged…