Freshman’s Mom Audits Classes To Keep An Eye On Her Son
The second week of classes have begun, and while the new freshmen are enjoying newfound freedom from their parents, local mom Heather Thomas is missing…
Campus Life
Student Disappointed Not A Single Fast & Furious Movie On Film Appreciation Syllabus
Visibly becoming more despondent as he painstakingly examined the course syllabus, freshman Jake Sim was utterly disappointed Friday to discover that not a single movie…
Professor Furious Upon Discovering He And Student Mooched Off Same Quizlet Flashcards
Seething with unbridled resentment as he reviewed his Introduction to Anthropology class’ final exam results, Professor Roderick Walker was furious Monday upon reportedly discovering that…
Student Chains Self To Algonquin Hall: ‘I Will Go Down With This Ship’
After being informed about the future demolishment of Algonquin Hall, sophomore Lindsay Birkenstein chained herself to the dormitory Friday in protest of the summer construction…
‘Suck It,’ Says Graduate With 2.6 GPA
With commencement ceremonies taking place throughout the coming weeks, graduating senior Greg Daniels reportedly told a group of freshman to “suck it” while gloating about…
Top 5 Places To Take Graduation Photos On Campus
1. Algonquin Hall As many students know, the Algonquin Residence Hall will be torn down this summer to be replaced with a newer and nicer, yet…
Total Nerd Actually Reads During Reading Week
Larry Abelard, a biology major and total nerd who sources deduce has no friends or family, actually reads during reading week, reports from those familiar…
‘This Is Actually Pretty Interesting,’ Says Student Who Finally Attends Class For The First Time
On a historic Friday morning, sophomore student Alecia Evans finally attended her sociology class for the first time this semester. Across campus, many students decide…
Sex Cult Found Living In Third Floor Of Parking Garage
Senior Bette Porter was driving out of Parking Garage I late Wednesday night when she reportedly found the confines of a sex cult hidden in…
Senior Decides It’s Finally Time To Stop Messing Around
The time has finally come for FAU senior Reiley Clemson to buckle down and stop messing around. Clemson decided that it was time to quit…