An Open Letter To The People Making Macaroni And Cheese In The Library
It’s hard to not hear you guys when I’m sitting in between the bookshelves on the third floor. If you’re going to make macaroni and…
Campus Life
Sexy TA Just Wants His Students To Fucking Listen
After an influx of poor grades from his students, devastatingly handsome Introduction to Philosophy teaching assistant Tony Reyes is “done with this shit.” According to…
Comic Book Professor Annoyed At Being Known As ‘Comic Book Professor’
“Frankly, it’s frustrating,” commented Professor Ernie Bertinski, a professor of English, when asked about the comic book-themed nicknames he has been called this semester. Over…
BREAKING: FAU To Turn Old Starbucks Into Another Starbucks
Sources are now confirming that FAU has developed plans to turn the old Starbucks site on the Breezeway into another Starbucks. Customers were shocked to…
FAU To Build Beach On Campus
Unable to handle Spanish River Beach being a full twelve minutes from campus, FAU has finally decided to rectify the situation and construct an artificial…
Two Injured In Devastating Lane Train Collision
FAU’s university-renowned and universally loved locomotive has experienced its first derailment in Game Week history. On Monday, a rogue Lane Train brutally struck two innocents…
FAU Fails To Address Giant Asteroid Hurtling Toward Campus
In the days following initial reports of the impending calamity, Florida Atlantic University has continued to disregard the giant asteroid hurtling straight toward the Boca…
‘This Ranch Lowkey Slaps,’ Says Midwesterner After Visiting Florida Ranch
After visiting a local ranch in Okeechobee, Florida, Carter Sleeth, an FAU transfer student formerly from Youngstown, Ohio, declared, “This ranch lowkey slaps.” When questioned…
New Studio 2 Performance More Depressing Than An Actual Mill Fire
Sunday saw the close of Studio 2’s latest production Dead Man’s Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl. The show, about a young woman in a café…
FAU Converts Parking Garage I Elevators Into Tower Of Terror Ride For Halloween
Earlier this week, student sources reported that the Parking Garage I elevators had been transformed into a Tower of Terror-themed ride in the spirit of…