Communications Major Slowly Losing People To Talk To
Senior communications student Jonathan Rodriguez reported Friday that he is slowly losing people to talk to. “Oh, my god, are you actually talking to me?”…
Campus Life
‘Shove It Up Your Ass!’ Says Student When Asked What They Plan To Do With Their Major
Earlier today, during a seemingly friendly conversation, senior Dani Erskine was asked by a recent acquaintance what she plans to do with her major in…
Four-Way Stop Turns Into Mexican Standoff
With all four vehicles arriving simultaneously before the stop line, sources confirmed Monday that the four-way stop intersecting Brevard Court and Indian River Street turned…
Student Already Practicing How To Ask For Extra Credit Instead Of Studying
With midterms finishing up and the spring semester halfway through, sophomore Lily Terrence has begun to practice what she will say to her professor when…
‘I Don’t Have Time To Do Homework,’ Complains Student Who Spent Past Three Hours Doing Absolutely Nothing
Overwhelmed by her accumulating mass of unfinished school assignments, FAU student Marie Kempton complained Monday that she does not possess the time to complete her…
Girl With Anxiety Has Folder Specifically For Papers She Receives On The Breezeway
Sources reported Monday that Alexa Stevenson, an FAU sophomore with chronic anxiety, has been storing every handout she receives on the Breezeway in a specific…
Senior Swears His Beer Tastes Great
Sources are now confirming that 21-year-old Rodney Lapinski, a Florida Atlantic University senior, made claims at the party he was attending Thursday night that his…
Anti-Gay Preacher Gets Ass Rammed
Proclaiming the sinful nature of homosexuality from atop a folding stool situated near the entrance of the Breezeway, an unidentified anti-LGBT preacher reportedly got his…
Student Claims Dog Ate His Discussion Board Post
On Friday, student Logan Wood reportedly alleged that his four-year-old Shih Tzu ate his two-paragraph Film Theory discussion board response before its 11:59 p.m. submission…
Student Shocked This Really Isn’t Something He Could Do In One Night
Despite receiving numerous warnings from his professor at the beginning of the spring semester, junior Jeff Brown was utterly shocked Wednesday to discover that he…