Absentee Voter Gives Up on Democracy Due to Lack of Sticker
Tuesday afternoon, FAU sophomore Stefanie Heagen decided to all-out give up on the democratic process due to the fact that she did not receive the…
Campus Life
Student Eats at Dining Hall, Dies in Bathroom Stall
FAU Freshman Juan Fuladio was found dead Friday afternoon in the Student Union bathroom after eating at the Atlantic Dining Hall, known colloquially around the…
An Open Letter to the Girl Who Smells Like Mayonnaise
Dear Mayonnaise Girl, I knew from the moment you first sat next to me that you had mayonnaise somewhere on you. I figured it was…
Horrifying Study Reveals a Quarter of FAU Students to Be Dragged Away by Giant Spiders
This morning, Palm Beach County released the findings of a bizarre study that confirms everyone’s fears: nearly a quarter of FAU students will be dragged…
FAU Library Staff Plans to be Even More Unapproachable in 2016
The staff of the Wimberly Library released a statement today detailing their New Year’s Resolution for 2016: to be even more unapproachable. “2015 was a…
Construction Halts on 20th St. As Developers Can’t Think of More ‘University’ Names
In a sudden move of desperation, development of new properties on Northwest 20th Street has halted due to a drought of creative names involving the…
Therapy Dog Needs Therapy Dog After Hearing Student Woes
FAU’s therapy-certified golden retriever Kol found himself in a dark place yesterday, after listening to students complain all week about their exams. To help him…
FAU Greek Life Tired of Homelessness
After long nights of hopeless wandering, members of FAU’s Alpha Tau Omega Eta Mu chapter finally decided that they are sick of being homeless. According…
Outtakes Unveils Peppermint Flavored Ramen for Holidays
As the holidays approach, America is continuing its irrepressible love affair with seasonal flavored products. FAU’s one-stop on-campus super-store, Outtakes, has launched their newest “mostly-edible”…
Two Remaining Students on Campus Rejoice as Black Friday Sales Make FAU Bookstore More Affordable
FAU’s most beloved bookstore, known for their famous $5.99 pen, announced on Thursday that they will be opening up for Black Friday with massive discounts…