Student Convinced Professor Was in a Porno
FAU student Scott Johnson was deathly bored in his Advanced Physics class when a thought struck him: had he seen Professor Jenkins in a porno…
Campus Life
Drunk Philosopher at Party Reminds Guests That ‘Everything is Subjective’
At a party hosted by the FAU Wine Club on Monday night, drunk guest and self-proclaimed philosopher Falcon Hawkmoon reminded all attending that everything in…
Outtakes Releases “H.O.E. Bag” to Make Walk of Shame Less Shameful
With rising Walk of Shame sightings leading to concerns about the university’s image, FAU and Outtakes have collaborated to invent the H.O.E. (Helping Owls Everywhere)…
FAU Student Government Legalizes Recreational Marijuana on Campus
After a failed semester of the campus-wide No Smoking policy, the legislative representatives of FAU’s student body voted unanimously to give up on the policy…
Absentee Voter Gives Up on Democracy Due to Lack of Sticker
Tuesday afternoon, FAU sophomore Stefanie Heagen decided to all-out give up on the democratic process due to the fact that she did not receive the…
Student Eats at Dining Hall, Dies in Bathroom Stall
FAU Freshman Juan Fuladio was found dead Friday afternoon in the Student Union bathroom after eating at the Atlantic Dining Hall, known colloquially around the…
An Open Letter to the Girl Who Smells Like Mayonnaise
Dear Mayonnaise Girl, I knew from the moment you first sat next to me that you had mayonnaise somewhere on you. I figured it was…
Horrifying Study Reveals a Quarter of FAU Students to Be Dragged Away by Giant Spiders
This morning, Palm Beach County released the findings of a bizarre study that confirms everyone’s fears: nearly a quarter of FAU students will be dragged…
FAU Library Staff Plans to be Even More Unapproachable in 2016
The staff of the Wimberly Library released a statement today detailing their New Year’s Resolution for 2016: to be even more unapproachable. “2015 was a…
Construction Halts on 20th St. As Developers Can’t Think of More ‘University’ Names
In a sudden move of desperation, development of new properties on Northwest 20th Street has halted due to a drought of creative names involving the…