FAU Rec Center Feeling “Empty Inside” After Everyone Failed Their New Year’s Resolution
Students taking classes in the Forkas Alumni Center have begun calling in to the Hoot’s Super Secret NewsRoom to tell us that the Rec Center,…
Campus Life
Psychology Department To Host First Annual Skinner Box Games
This week the Psychology Department has announced that they will be picking tributes for the first annual Skinner Box Games. All students who are Psychology…
FAU Stadium To Host Super Bowl
Nearly an hour north of the Miami Gardens Hard Rock Stadium, awaits another prestigious bowl in an, arguably, equally iconic stadium. After months of debate…
An Open Letter From The Local Try Hard Who Needs Validation For Skipping Class
Hey everyone, it’s me. The coolest kid on campus. Why am I the coolest kid on campus you may ask? For one simple reason: I…
Smart Student Always Called On Last Gets Hand Amputated
The paramedic’s were called to Prof. Andy Furgison’s 9am 20th Century Literary Movements course after Jack Dunn passed out mid-class. Hoot reporters were on the…
‘Deal With It,’ Says FAU In Response To Permanent Stoppage Of Student Union Construction
The Student Union’s construction has left many students scared and confused in its wake. What will become of the ever-present smell of desperation and body…
UVA Secedes From FAU
Reports coming in from FAU’s Department of Housing state that in the early hours of December 6, 2019, a secret cabal met in the recreation…
Professor Offers Up Left Tit For Constructive SPOT Review
As the 2019 fall semester comes to a close, professors all over campus have begun desperately milking their students for completed SPOT reviews. While some…
An Open Letter To The People Making Macaroni And Cheese In The Library
It’s hard to not hear you guys when I’m sitting in between the bookshelves on the third floor. If you’re going to make macaroni and…
Sexy TA Just Wants His Students To Fucking Listen
After an influx of poor grades from his students, devastatingly handsome Introduction to Philosophy teaching assistant Tony Reyes is “done with this shit.” According to…