Two Injured In Devastating Lane Train Collision
FAU’s university-renowned and universally loved locomotive has experienced its first derailment in Game Week history. On Monday, a rogue Lane Train brutally struck two innocents…
Campus Life
FAU Fails To Address Giant Asteroid Hurtling Toward Campus
In the days following initial reports of the impending calamity, Florida Atlantic University has continued to disregard the giant asteroid hurtling straight toward the Boca…
‘This Ranch Lowkey Slaps,’ Says Midwesterner After Visiting Florida Ranch
After visiting a local ranch in Okeechobee, Florida, Carter Sleeth, an FAU transfer student formerly from Youngstown, Ohio, declared, “This ranch lowkey slaps.” When questioned…
New Studio 2 Performance More Depressing Than An Actual Mill Fire
Sunday saw the close of Studio 2’s latest production Dead Man’s Cell Phone by Sarah Ruhl. The show, about a young woman in a café…
FAU Converts Parking Garage I Elevators Into Tower Of Terror Ride For Halloween
Earlier this week, student sources reported that the Parking Garage I elevators had been transformed into a Tower of Terror-themed ride in the spirit of…
Stoner RA Busts Self For Hotboxing In His Room
Indian River Towers resident assistant Bernie Lam reportedly noticed a strange odor Friday as he left his room to perform a quick hall check. According…
FAU Janitor Revealed To Be Black Market Test Bank Dealer
After being caught cheating on her Anatomy exam, freshman Clara Long reportedly emailed her professor Friday claiming that she received the test banks from an…
Student Accidentally Sleeps Through Entire Fall Semester
One dedicated student is shocking many across campus by deciding to sleep through the entirety of the fall semester. Like many others, Mario Moschino, a…
Student Tries To Buy Plan B With Flex Bucks
Close sources confirmed Friday that FAU business major Jesse Fouglin frantically scrambled into the Outtakes convenience store in Innovation Village Apartments with his Owl Card…
Oh No, Someone In Class Group Chat Using Android
Appearing disturbed as they helplessly watched their sent messages materialize in green bubbles Wednesday, students from Professor Chutani’s statistics course were reportedly horrified upon learning…