Stoner RA Busts Self For Hotboxing In His Room
Indian River Towers resident assistant Bernie Lam reportedly noticed a strange odor Friday as he left his room to perform a quick hall check. According…
Campus Life
FAU Janitor Revealed To Be Black Market Test Bank Dealer
After being caught cheating on her Anatomy exam, freshman Clara Long reportedly emailed her professor Friday claiming that she received the test banks from an…
Student Accidentally Sleeps Through Entire Fall Semester
One dedicated student is shocking many across campus by deciding to sleep through the entirety of the fall semester. Like many others, Mario Moschino, a…
Student Tries To Buy Plan B With Flex Bucks
Close sources confirmed Friday that FAU business major Jesse Fouglin frantically scrambled into the Outtakes convenience store in Innovation Village Apartments with his Owl Card…
Oh No, Someone In Class Group Chat Using Android
Appearing disturbed as they helplessly watched their sent messages materialize in green bubbles Wednesday, students from Professor Chutani’s statistics course were reportedly horrified upon learning…
Absolute Fucking Monster Steals Everyone’s Unassigned Assigned Seats
Over four weeks into the semester, students in a local Interpretation of Fiction class are struggling to grapple with some absolute fucking monster who keeps…
VSCO Girls Get More Aggressive About Saving Sea Turtles, Begin Eating Straws Themselves
Locked arm-in-arm by their scrunchies surrounding the on-campus Dunkin’ Donuts, a group of aggressive VSCO girls protesting the multinational company’s use of plastic and its…
‘Fuck It,’ Says FAU Barista After Failing To Hear Student’s Name
Repeatedly struggling to hear the customer’s name, on-campus Starbucks barista Dylan Kennedy reportedly released a long, exasperated sigh Friday and whispered “fuck it” to himself….
‘Whoa, Whoa, Who Do You Know Here?’ Asks Wimberly Library Bouncer To Line Of Waiting Students
Positioning himself imposingly at the front door, Wimberly Library bouncer Rich Dourdan reportedly appeared confused Monday as he asked, “Whoa, whoa, who do you know…
‘Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems,’ Says Student To Rationalize Increasing Debt
In order to cope with the increasing student debt that comes with every college semester, super-senior Sandra Fields recommends her effective mantra: “mo’ money, mo’…