Commuter Student Wakes 2 Minutes Later Than Usual, Stays Home
Commuter student Irma Latite decided to stay home Monday morning and skip class for the third time this week after missing her alarm by two…
Commuter Life
FAU Student Proudly Donates Awkward Smile to Homeless Man
On Friday morning, FAU freshman Christian White proudly donated an awkward smile to a homeless man in Fort Lauderdale. White had reportedly stopped his brand…
Careless Driving Snowbird Drifts Slowly into Fifth Dimension
At around 7:00 A.M. on Friday morning, Florida snowbird and careless driver Betty Stevens, accompanied by her husband Edward, found herself accidentally drifting across i95…
Courageous Student Enters Abyss of Full Parking Garage Three Minutes Before Class
FAU senior Cody Hopkins faced imminent odds this Wednesday morning as he headed into the dark nothingness of Parking Garage #3. Although the ominous garage…
Study Reveals People Who Double Park Have Small Penis
A study conducted by the Miami Anatomy & Physiology Research Center has revealed that, whether he did it knowingly or subconsciously, there is a 96%…
Bored Commuter Student Spends 5-Hour Break Going Through 5 Stages of Grief
Freddie Parmigiano didn’t know what he was getting into when he registered for his classes at the beginning of the semester. “So what if I…
Report: Students Breaking Their Own Legs for Disabled Parking Passes
Data from a new study by the FAU Office of Parking and Transportation has revealed that upwards of 65% of the FAU student body has…
Commuter Student Shocked to Have Made Out-of-State Friend
Tuesday afternoon, sophomore commuter student Jasmine Banks was significantly taken aback upon discovering that her newest friend, freshman psychology major Jason Lyon, was in fact…
FAU Parking Officer Achieves Orgasm While Ticketing Cars
After dozens of reported cases, it has now been confirmed that FAU officers reach sexual climax every time they ticket a student’s vehicle. “I can’t…
BREAKING: Student Finds Parking Spot
For the first time in her three years at Florida Atlantic University, student Becky Arland found a parking spot immediately upon entering campus this morning….