Report: Jesus Fuck, Not This Shit Again
As classes for the 2018 Fall Semester begin, a report published Monday indicated that Jesus fuck, not this goddamn bullshit again. “Here we go,” read…
News
FAU Dining Hall Announces New Tide Pod-Only Menu
On Wednesday morning, the FAU Atlantic Dining Hall unveiled their new and improved Tide Pod-only menu. According to reports, the new menu comes as part…
4 Reasons Why FAU Student Government More Disappointing Than A Federal Shutdown
The recent failure by Congress to pass a budget has led to the second federal shutdown within a decade. Despite this shutdown, the federal government…
FAU Holds Non-Graduation Ceremony for Super Seniors Giving Up on College
On Wednesday morning, thousands of fifth year seniors assembled inside the FAU Student Union for a non-graduation ceremony, where participants finally celebrated giving up on…
Absolute Speed Demon Shuffles Exam Packet Loudly to Inform Class He’s on Next Page
On Tuesday morning during his Spanish II final, absolute speed demon Reid Allen shattered the calm, quiet atmosphere within the classroom after loudly shuffling his…
Prison Bars Installed in Library Study Rooms to Help Students Feel Even More at Home
In order for students to feel more at home for finals week, the FAU Wimberly Library will be refurbishing all study rooms to include prison…
Student Fills Out Suspiciously Nice SPOT Evaluation in Last Ditch Effort to Save Grade
As a last attempt to try and salvage the impending disaster she calls her grade, student Bianca Reynolds decided to go the extra mile while…
Student Preparing for Finals Opens Textbook for First Time Since Enrolling
On Tuesday morning, in order to prepare for an exam later that day, student Lindsay Kaling bravely opened her textbook for the first time since…
College Republicans Organize ‘All Fridays Matter’ Protest in Response to Black Friday Sales
While most people were out shopping on Black Friday morning, college protesters gathered outside of a Walmart chanting “All Fridays Matter” in an attempt to…
Local Turducken Faces Identity Crisis
On Thursday afternoon, local turducken Jennifer was found sobbing underneath a kitchen table during what appeared to be a terrifying existential identity crisis. During the…