Absolute Speed Demon Shuffles Exam Packet Loudly to Inform Class He’s on Next Page
On Tuesday morning during his Spanish II final, absolute speed demon Reid Allen shattered the calm, quiet atmosphere within the classroom after loudly shuffling his…
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Prison Bars Installed in Library Study Rooms to Help Students Feel Even More at Home
In order for students to feel more at home for finals week, the FAU Wimberly Library will be refurbishing all study rooms to include prison…
Student Fills Out Suspiciously Nice SPOT Evaluation in Last Ditch Effort to Save Grade
As a last attempt to try and salvage the impending disaster she calls her grade, student Bianca Reynolds decided to go the extra mile while…
Student Preparing for Finals Opens Textbook for First Time Since Enrolling
On Tuesday morning, in order to prepare for an exam later that day, student Lindsay Kaling bravely opened her textbook for the first time since…
College Republicans Organize ‘All Fridays Matter’ Protest in Response to Black Friday Sales
While most people were out shopping on Black Friday morning, college protesters gathered outside of a Walmart chanting “All Fridays Matter” in an attempt to…
Local Turducken Faces Identity Crisis
On Thursday afternoon, local turducken Jennifer was found sobbing underneath a kitchen table during what appeared to be a terrifying existential identity crisis. During the…
Hipster Student Comes Out as Accounting Major
Super senior Lisa Dias came out as an Accounting major to her hipster friends Wednesday morning over their weekly “getty” at Undergrounds Coffeehaus in Fort…
FSU Creates Equation to Measure Amount of Charity Fraternities Must Do to Be Allowed to Kill a Pledge
On Monday morning, FSU’s Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life emailed all Greek life members their newly formulated equation for dictating how much charity a…
FAU to Replace Speed Bumps with Speed Walls
To slow down drivers speeding through campus, FAU is to replace speed bumps with speed walls starting over Thanksgiving break. These speed walls will be…
FAU to Spend $5 Million on Fixing Crooked ‘C’ in ‘FAU’ Sign
In the new year, FAU will start construction on restoring the crooked ‘C’ on the main Glades Road entrance sign with a starting budget of…