English Honors Society Membership Down: “No One Wants To Be An STD”
It’s that time of the year again, folks, when honors society across FAU’s campuses open admissions and try to get new entrants to pay exorbitant…
News
How To Tell Which FAU Iguanas Have Human Souls Trapped Inside Them
As more students return to in-person classes on campus, a new issue is coming to light: Campus Iguanas. While we already know Green Iguanas are…
FAU Alumni Association Asks For FAU Love Stories, Receive Blackmail From Disgruntled Exes Instead
The weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are always a bit more gloomy for single folks than normal. To add salt to the wound, The…
FAU High Schoolers Declared “Too Self-Aware”, Program To Be Cancelled
This morning it has been revealed that FAU High School has declared their students “too self-aware” and have decided to cancel the program entirely for…
FAU Weekly Random COVID-19 Testing Revealed To Be Program To Secretly Probe Students
This past weekend, it had been revealed that the brand new FAU weekly random COVID-19 testing program was actually a tactic being used by the…
FAU High School The Only School In The County To Accept Barron Trump
As the Trump family begins to settle into their Mar-a-Lago residence, new information about their future plans continue to be discovered. The Hoot has recently…
I’m Sorry, But The FAU Pep Band Sounds Like Dying Horses
Multiple reports this afternoon have come across The Hoot tip line regarding FAU’s pep band – known for playing at every basketball game this season….
Snow Owl: 10lbs Of Cocaine Found In Owlsley’s Den
FAU’s problematic mascot has found himself in deep water yet again. Over the weekend, Owlsley threw a party celebrating President Joe Biden’s inauguration. “It was…
FAU President John Kelly’s Sexy Photoshoot 2021 Calendar Now 50% Off
In a move hailed as unprecedented by university presidents, John Kelly has decided to give FAU quite the treat for 2021: a professionally-shot Kelly Kalendar,…
FAU Finally Addresses Issue: “We need to get the troops out of Vietnam now!”
Anyone that follows @FloridaAtlantic may have seen them tweet a rather cryptic message: As the FAU student body, the faculty, and us here at The…