Wet ASMR-Chewing Now Adds Spice to Your Online Lecture
For those of you still pondering the benefits of safely learning remotely during a nationwide health crisis where dangerous virus particles can quite literally spread…
News
Hip Professor Can’t Tell If He’s A Simp Or A Stan
With the sudden and dramatic shift last Spring from in person classes to online, FAU faculty and staff have been trying to find new ways…
Student Decides To Shut Off Wifi For The Semester, “If I Can’t See The Canvas Notifications, I Don’t Actually Have Any Responsibilities”
On Tuesday morning, absolute genius Erin Park revealed that he had shut off his wifi, and had planned to keep it off for the entire…
Breaking: President Kelly Finally Makes A Statement
At a surprise press conference Monday night, President Kelly released an officially unofficial statement regarding both the Covid-19 cases and the Housing debacle reported on…
President Kelly To Send TBHs To Everyones Email
While times may be strange right now, with all students taking remote classes and slightly losing our grasp on reality, there is hope. President Kelly…
Fortune Teller Begins Tabling On Breezeway
The FAU Breezeway is excited to welcome a brand new, exciting, slightly obtrusive, foot-traffic halting table this coming Monday: esteemed Fortune Teller and tarot card…
Mustang Owning Freshman Promises He Has An Average Sized Penis
We’ve all heard them. The freshmen that rev their sports car’s engine to quickly make the jump from zero to the speed limit of 25mph…
This Just In: FAU To Begin Issuing Fast Passes To Skip The Pollo Tropical Line
Inside sources at the Breezeway Food Court recently revealed that they will soon begin issuing fast passes for a faster line at the Pollo Tropical….
Snow Birds And Other Signs Of The Apocalypse
A chill hangs in the air. Here at FAU, it is not common for us to don sweaters and jackets, but it does tend to…
Smart Student Always Called On Last Gets Hand Amputated
The paramedic’s were called to Prof. Andy Furgison’s 9am 20th Century Literary Movements course after Jack Dunn passed out mid-class. Hoot reporters were on the…