FAU Rec Center Staff to Unleash New Plague Virus to Cut Down on Gym Crowd
If you come into the FAU Rec Center next week, you might be surprised to find an empty squat rack. In order to cut down…
News
Unattended Candy Bowl Has No Idea What’s Coming to It
According to reports, a local Halloween-themed candy bowl remains absolutely oblivious to the cruel fate awaiting it Halloween evening when it will be filled with…
FAU High to Allow College Students to Dual Enroll in High School Classes
On Monday morning, exciting news for hopeless college students spread across campus: FAU High, itself a dual enrollment program for academically advanced high school students,…
Alt-Right Student Hates PB&J For Obvious Reasons
Heads in the FAU lunchroom turned today as Alt-Right student leader and Liberal Arts major Brad Chencers let out a shriek and began pouncing on…
Breaking: Night Owls Picks Up Student
Last night at 11:57 P.M., FAU students gathered to get photographic evidence of Kimmy Davis, a normal student, riding in the passenger seat of a…
Program Board to Dramatically Burn Entire $11 Million Budget on OwlFest Stage
On Friday morning, the FAU program board announced their plans to literally burn their entire $11 million budget in cash as part of the opening…
Lifelong Learner Student Teaches Students Lifelong Learned Lessons
During an entry-level Philosophy class on Friday morning, students were unexpectedly treated to the lifelong learned lessons of Jim Grant, a wise lifelong learner student….
It’s National Coming Out Day! Homophobia Is Canceled!
In honor of National Coming Out Day, FAU decided Wednesday morning to use their supreme authority over sexuality to declare all homophobia canceled at once….
University Press: ‘Honestly, The Hoot Is Better Than Us’
During a series of meetings over the weekend, members of the University Press and their advisors concluded that The Hoot is the better news source….
FAU Student Embarks on Journey to Istanbul, Turkey in Search for Academic Advisor
With a simple inquiry on credit hours, FAU senior Brandon Roberson spent the past six months searching for the right academic advisor to answer his…