The Word Unprecedented: “Stop Having My Name In All Y’all’s Mouth”
What with everything going on in these unparalleled times, the word “unprecedented” has been thrown around quite often, so much so that many are beginning…
News
FAU Parking Police Aimless Now That They Can’t Haphazardly Give Out Tickets To Commuters
It has recently been reported that, now that classes are online, FAU Parking Police have been wandering around aimlessly now that they can’t haphazardly give…
Campus Iguana Tests Positive For Coronavirus
The Hoot is saddened to report troubling news this afternoon. A campus iguana has tested positive for the Coronavirus. The iguana – an orange-brown, 3…
Wet ASMR-Chewing Now Adds Spice to Your Online Lecture
For those of you still pondering the benefits of safely learning remotely during a nationwide health crisis where dangerous virus particles can quite literally spread…
Hip Professor Can’t Tell If He’s A Simp Or A Stan
With the sudden and dramatic shift last Spring from in person classes to online, FAU faculty and staff have been trying to find new ways…
Student Decides To Shut Off Wifi For The Semester, “If I Can’t See The Canvas Notifications, I Don’t Actually Have Any Responsibilities”
On Tuesday morning, absolute genius Erin Park revealed that he had shut off his wifi, and had planned to keep it off for the entire…
Breaking: President Kelly Finally Makes A Statement
At a surprise press conference Monday night, President Kelly released an officially unofficial statement regarding both the Covid-19 cases and the Housing debacle reported on…
President Kelly To Send TBHs To Everyones Email
While times may be strange right now, with all students taking remote classes and slightly losing our grasp on reality, there is hope. President Kelly…
Fortune Teller Begins Tabling On Breezeway
The FAU Breezeway is excited to welcome a brand new, exciting, slightly obtrusive, foot-traffic halting table this coming Monday: esteemed Fortune Teller and tarot card…
Mustang Owning Freshman Promises He Has An Average Sized Penis
We’ve all heard them. The freshmen that rev their sports car’s engine to quickly make the jump from zero to the speed limit of 25mph…