“We Lit” Says, Governor Ron DeSantis As Florida Goes Up In Flames
Tis’ the season, and you know what that means: hot chocolate, the Polar Express, cuddles by the fireplace, and our STUPID tradition of decorating palm…
News
Owlsley Forced To Step Down After Old Problematic Tweets Surface
Multiple screenshots of tweets made by FAU’s beloved mascot, Owlsley, have recently come to light after a student shared screenshots of them on Twitter. Mere…
Missing Student Found Under Rock After Four Years: “Well at least we still have Vine, right?”
“So they lifted this big ass rock, and like, there was a gut-wrenching scream that immediately followed. I’m pretty sure the guy next to me…
How A College Professor Really Spends Their Day
Sophomore Andrew Graber made a groundbreaking discovery today on campus: he figured out how our professors spend their day at work, and he plans on…
Professor Who Copied And Pasted Paragraph About CAPS In Syllabus Given “Most Caring Professor” Award
This past Thursday evening, it was confirmed that Dr. Jane Jameson would be receiving the “Most Caring Professor” award for bravely copying and pasting a…
Student Comments “Wow, That’s Crazy” On Discussion Post
It’s that time of the semester again, folx, when the work begins to pile up, and from the freshest Bambi Freshman to the most senioritis…
The Word Unprecedented: “Stop Having My Name In All Y’all’s Mouth”
What with everything going on in these unparalleled times, the word “unprecedented” has been thrown around quite often, so much so that many are beginning…
FAU Parking Police Aimless Now That They Can’t Haphazardly Give Out Tickets To Commuters
It has recently been reported that, now that classes are online, FAU Parking Police have been wandering around aimlessly now that they can’t haphazardly give…
Campus Iguana Tests Positive For Coronavirus
The Hoot is saddened to report troubling news this afternoon. A campus iguana has tested positive for the Coronavirus. The iguana – an orange-brown, 3…
Wet ASMR-Chewing Now Adds Spice to Your Online Lecture
For those of you still pondering the benefits of safely learning remotely during a nationwide health crisis where dangerous virus particles can quite literally spread…