Hipster Student Comes Out as Accounting Major
Super senior Lisa Dias came out as an Accounting major to her hipster friends Wednesday morning over their weekly “getty” at Undergrounds Coffeehaus in Fort…
News
FSU Creates Equation to Measure Amount of Charity Fraternities Must Do to Be Allowed to Kill a Pledge
On Monday morning, FSU’s Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life emailed all Greek life members their newly formulated equation for dictating how much charity a…
FAU to Replace Speed Bumps with Speed Walls
To slow down drivers speeding through campus, FAU is to replace speed bumps with speed walls starting over Thanksgiving break. These speed walls will be…
FAU to Spend $5 Million on Fixing Crooked ‘C’ in ‘FAU’ Sign
In the new year, FAU will start construction on restoring the crooked ‘C’ on the main Glades Road entrance sign with a starting budget of…
FAU Rec Center Staff to Unleash New Plague Virus to Cut Down on Gym Crowd
If you come into the FAU Rec Center next week, you might be surprised to find an empty squat rack. In order to cut down…
Unattended Candy Bowl Has No Idea What’s Coming to It
According to reports, a local Halloween-themed candy bowl remains absolutely oblivious to the cruel fate awaiting it Halloween evening when it will be filled with…
FAU High to Allow College Students to Dual Enroll in High School Classes
On Monday morning, exciting news for hopeless college students spread across campus: FAU High, itself a dual enrollment program for academically advanced high school students,…
Alt-Right Student Hates PB&J For Obvious Reasons
Heads in the FAU lunchroom turned today as Alt-Right student leader and Liberal Arts major Brad Chencers let out a shriek and began pouncing on…
Breaking: Night Owls Picks Up Student
Last night at 11:57 P.M., FAU students gathered to get photographic evidence of Kimmy Davis, a normal student, riding in the passenger seat of a…
Program Board to Dramatically Burn Entire $11 Million Budget on OwlFest Stage
On Friday morning, the FAU program board announced their plans to literally burn their entire $11 million budget in cash as part of the opening…