“Frankly, it’s frustrating,” commented Professor Ernie Bertinski, a professor of English, when asked about the comic book-themed nicknames he has been called this semester.
Over the past few years, Bertinski has been instructing classes on graphic novels and superhero comics alongside the other courses he teaches. Due to the rise in popularity of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and the rise in popularity of shitting on DC Universe movies, students have been flocking to Bertinski’s comic book centered courses, and FAU has noticed.
Sources say that this semester, Bertinski is teaching three separate sections on graphic novels, two on superhero comics, and one on some other bullshit like 20th-century literary movements. Hoot reporters were able to catch Bertinski in his office between classes to discuss his sudden workload shift.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong,” said Bertinski, playing with his Batman tie and attaching a blood-splattered smiley face button from Watchmen to his suit jacket. “I enjoy teaching these classes. I mean, I, a 43-year-old father of two, am being paid hand over fist for talking about the shit that got me pushed into lockers when I was a kid. The only thing I don’t appreciate is the names. Professor Comic Book, Captain Bertinski, the Blue Bertinski, the Bertinski Knight, Egghead Bertinski, you name it. I mean they’re pretty clever and use, like, 8th-tier characters like Egg Head, Blue Beetle, and Moon Knight, so the references are good, but it’s still mean! Frankly, I’m more than just a ‘comic book professor.’ I have a Ph.D. and everything! Besides, my graphic novel course only discusses the ‘big’ superhero comics like Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns. The other two-thirds of the class is on other kinds of graphic novels, like normal fiction, horror, and non-fiction.”
At press time, after being asked to list some of the other graphic novels Bertinski taught, he responded with “Fun Home, Here, Nat Turner, Maus, and…wait…did you hear that? Oh, no. It’s my archnemesis, the Maus Masher!” It was then that a portly student wearing a shitty costume barged in and proceeded to take up the rest of Bertinski’s office hours explaining why Maus is a terrible, horrible, no good graphic novel.