Communications Major Slowly Losing People To Talk To

Cork, Ireland

Senior communications student Jonathan Rodriguez reported Friday that he is slowly losing people to talk to.

“Oh, my god, are you actually talking to me?” Rodriguez asked regretful reporters. “Wait, stop, where are you going?”

Various sources claim to dislike associating with Rodriguez, with many reportedly citing his dismally boring personality.

“The moment I received a notification that I had a meeting with Jonathan, I ended up making an appointment with CAPS,” said Monica Russell, Rodriguez’s academic advisor. “It starts off with a simple ‘Hi,’ but then he starts asking me questions about his classes and I find myself wanting to slap the taste out of his mouth.

“He always asks if I want to hang out,” said Charlie Layton. “ I find myself having to dig deep in order to find an excuse not to. I’ve had to come up with more excuses not to hang out with him than I have had not to go to classes.  Seriously, like, we talked maybe once or twice beforehand?”

“Dude, I had like at least a few dozen friends when I was a freshman,” Rodriguez went on to say. “What the hell happened?”