Tuesday afternoon, sophomore commuter student Jasmine Banks was significantly taken aback upon discovering that her newest friend, freshman psychology major Jason Lyon, was in fact an on-campus, out-of-state student. “I’ve lived in South Florida all my life, so when he told me he was actually from Nevada, I just couldn’t believe it,” said an amazed Jasmine. “Like, don’t Nevadians go to casinos instead of schools?”
Jasmine claimed that she “didn’t even realize” that there was an option for students who don’t live in Florida or New York to attend the University, and that only once she Googled the statistics did she come to terms with her friend’s claim. Jason, on the other hand, stated that he was surprised there were actually students who opted to stay home instead of going away for school. When reminded of the actual cost of attending an out-of-state university, he replied with a haughty guffaw, then took out a wad of bills and slapped our reporter in the face with it.