Students in Professor Hammond’s computer science class reported Thursday that they are quietly beginning to freak out after discovering that their final exam is to beat a game of Minesweeper. The game has a history for being impossible to beat, and Mac users are even more distressed since they don’t have a right-click on their trackpad.
“Only our parents know how to play this game,” said sophomore Herald Jones. “I just clicked around the little boxes until I died. I can’t even imagine the type of algorithm that goes into beating a game like this.” Jones has since reportedly gone to the library to read up on techniques of playing Minesweeper.
According to close sources, Alexis Worth, winner of the 2007 Minesweeper Championship, had come to offer the students some helpful pointers. Worth claimed that she had some secrets on how to strategically beat the game in less than five minutes, saying “Seriously, you click the four corners first then logically put the flags where the bombs are supposed to be. I don’t know why everyone is freaking out so much.”
Professor Hammond issued a statement to reporters, ensuring that students had the entire semester to figure this out. “It’s not like they can’t figure it out. Hell, they’re always on their damn laptops anyway. I thought they would at least look at the game. When I was their age, I got a huge kick out of beating Minesweeper. Every game is different, and honestly, I’m shocked that these nerds wouldn’t at all be interested in it.”
At press time, Jones was seen on his laptop becoming increasingly frustrated with the game. “I just keep hitting the fucking bombs. I don’t understand why my flags are wrong! If I fail this class, I have to change my major, and then I’ll be a communications major like my dad always wanted.”