Puzzled marine biology student Mike Planter elucidated Wednesday that he “would never step on any seal in front of the Student Union.” This relieving statement was issued from Planter after being warned by multiple freshmen to not step on the seal or be condemned by a curse that would stop him from graduating. Although confused, Planter continuously insisted that he loved seals and would refuse to harm them.
“Why is there a seal in front of the Student Union anyway? How the hell did it even get there?” questioned Planter while placing flyers around campus for a lost seal. “Well, no matter how it got there, I would never step on it. I’m not SeaWorld.”
The Student Government has released a statement in response to the situation, claiming there are absolutely no seals in front of the Student Union and that no student ever intended to question Planter’s love for seals.
At press time, a group of curious astronomy students bravely set out in search of the “spaceship building,” despite having “never seen a spaceship on campus,” as explained by one of the students.