‘Deal With It,’ Says FAU In Response To Permanent Stoppage Of Student Union Construction

The Student Union’s construction has left many students scared and confused in its wake. What will become of the ever-present smell of desperation and body odor that wafts through the air vents? Will the small gaming section, the Union’s only form of entertainment, be entirely removed? Upon hearing these concerns, FAU has decided to permanently cease all Student Union construction immediately so that no further changes can disrupt its once hallowed halls. 

When asked for a comment on the fact that the union was in no way finished or even fully usable at the moment, a representative from the university’s administrative department commented, “Honestly, just deal with it. We have to placate all of the little babies who are scared of change, and this was our only solution.” 

At press time, after reporters asked if construction would ever be expected to resume, Administration offered one final statement, saying, “Yeah, sure. Probably not. Fuck it. I don’t know. Look, if you have any other questions, please redirect them here,” as they pointed to their rectum.