Debt Free College Students Officially Put on Endangered Species List

In the times of rising tuition costs, the gentle debt-free college student has become a species that is rapidly disappearing from this planet. According to the World WildLife Fund, the debt-free student, or Fortunicus Luckyass Sapien, is estimated to be extinct by 2040 if not given any support.

The World WildLife Fund has started charities to save these lovable creatures, but many fear this may not be enough. “We worry about these critters,” said Jeanette Metz, longtime animal lover and member of WWF, as she pet one of the endangered animals. “This little guy, we call Bubbles.”

Bubbles then unexpectedly retorted, “My name’s Huey. I have class at 3. Can I go?”

While efforts to save them have only been recent, the debt free student has been in trouble for some time. Scientists have linked the decline to a disruption in the economic climate, using the term ‘climate change.’ Joshua Pallenti, father of a son in debt, tells us, “I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Your kid, drowning in debt, staying home and eating all the damn Doritos… it’s awful.”

As winter approaches, the students will need to seek shelter. Without any support, their cave dwellings, or ‘dorms’, will be crowded and very likely their graves. Hope survives, however, in the form of the four creatures currently breeding in captivity at the Ueno Zoo in Tokyo. Only time will tell if their offspring can similarly dodge fate.