FAU’s Buildings and Grounds Department reported Wednesday that renovations for the College of Arts and Letters that were planned to begin at the end of April will once again be delayed. Their reasoning for the modified development schedule is due to the construction of a helipad proposed by former Engineering graduate Sir John Howard, who reportedly never had a place to land his helicopter during his time as a student at the university.
Sources claim that Howard outvoted the Arts and Letters department in a recent board meeting after donating an exorbitant check, which was quoted to have “more zeros than if you were to translate all seven Harry Potter books into binary code.”
“Listen, I understand where the College of Arts and Letters is coming from,” said Howard. “But I also understand that the Howard Helipad project is necessary for the incoming graduate students who need a place to land their choppers when they’re running too late to take their cars.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” said Julien MacDonald, professor of Communication and Civic Life at the College of Arts and Letters. “I have four working desks in my classroom, and my projector screen has to be held down with a damn sandbag!”
At press time, FAU stated that the restoration of the College of Arts and Letters is set for the beginning of Fall 2020 once the construction of a second Outtakes in the College of Business is complete.