English Honors Society Membership Down: “No One Wants To Be An STD”

It’s that time of the year again, folks, when honors society across FAU’s campuses open admissions and try to get new entrants to pay exorbitant fees for the prestigious honor of a piece of paper. However, FAU’s English Honors Society chapter has been facing a rapid membership decline since 2019. Hoot reporters interviewed the Chapter President Lindsey Johnston to see if they could get to the root of the issue.
“I mean I don’t want to be that person,” said Pres. Johnston, “but I think the issue may be the branding. We’re an honors society full of English majors named Sigma Tau Delta. English majors are taught to dig into not only texts, but ​everything.​ I just think that no one wants to be an STD.”
The branding of FAU’s Sigma Tau Delta chapter, Kappa Rho, could definitely be better. The pins members are given upon acceptance into the honors society are emblazoned with the letters STD on a black shield. Polo shirts too are charged with those three letters.
The faculty adviser for FAU’s English honors society chapter, Dr. Tiffany Lloyd, had this to say about the declining membership: “I just think we need to spice up our events. In the past all of our events have had more of an academic bent, which is great I think. But maybe we could host a socially distanced movie night. Break out the popcorn and the soda, and show something less academically minded like the 2021 National Spelling Bee Competition or a live reading of Edward Said’s ​Orientalism.​ I think events like those would boost membership into STD…I mean Sigma.”
Previous president Jack Dunn could not be reached for comment.
At press time, Pres. Johnston had taken to twitter advertising that honors society applications were available at the chapter’s website, and to please stop sending her step-by-step instructions on “How to Make a Penicillin Cocktail.”