FAU Administration: “Fuck It, Let’s Just Make The Breezeway One Of Those Moving Walkway Things In Airports”

On Friday morning, Florida Atlantic University announced that they would finally be making a very much needed renovation in the Breezeway: turning the ground into one of those moving walkway things in airports. The idea is said to have spawned when one administration official was in an airport on one of these walkways and reportedly thought to himself, “Fuck it, why not the Breezeway?”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” exclaimed freshmen Emma Puck, standing in the Breezeway to get one last look before it’s changed for the better. “It’s going to be so much easier to walk to my classes if I don’t have to walk to them.”

Despite the excitement buzzing around campus, the reviews of this new construction are not all positive. “It’s going to take so long just to build,” complained student Stephen Hall, holding up an FAU map and attempting to plan walking routes around the Breezeway. “I don’t have the time or the schedule to wait for them to finish constructing this monstrosity. Besides, isn’t the Breezeway fine the way it is?”

Responding to comments like Hall’s, FAU administration claims that construction will be “speedy and completely worth the twenty million dollar budget.”

At press time, another meeting had been leaked to students revealing plans to transform all stairs on campus into escalators.