FAU Administration To Run Sexy Car Wash Amid Budget Cuts

After reports of a $6 million loss in state funding for FAU this week, the University’s CFO Jeff Atwater announced that he would be running a sexy car wash to make up for the lost funds. His first major project since taking the position back in February, he boldly claimed this fundraising campaign would “definitely” bring “at least double” the amount of money that the state had cut.

The car wash will officially kick off at 8:00 A.M. on Saturday by the stadium parking lot and will continue throughout the entire Fall semester. The official press release states that all students are encouraged to come by and lend a hand, and that clothing is optional.

FAU administration praised this move, calling it a “valiant effort” and a step in the right direction for the school. “Our student body is going to have to make their money the hard way if they don’t want a tuition increase like in 2012,” stated Tim Glazer, Vice President of University Communications. “So strap on your speedos, kids, and let’s get down and sudsy!”

FAU leaders will be also participating, according to a 1AM tweet by President Kelly: “Excited 4 this Sat. Lane, Jeff, and I gonna lead by example. Got the cutest matching speedos EVR. see ya huns. #OWLin #Bold”.

At press time, when asked about where the funds would be allocated once the goal was met, Atwater stated that he did not understand the question. He subsequently threw dozens of red diamond encrusted solid gold footballs into the audience to celebrate their yet-to-occur success.