FAU Baseball Prepares For Another Great Season Nobody Will Care About

With Friday’s season opener in Boca Raton against George Washington University, FAU Baseball is finalizing their preparations for another successful season that nobody will care about. The experts are saying that FAU is a team capable of regaining the Conference USA title from Southern Mississippi, as the Owls look strong with returners like lefty Jake Miednik, shortstop Tyler Frank, and outfielder David Miranda. Even with this impressive lineup, the boys on the diamond are gearing up for another season that the student body just doesn’t care about.

“Last year we had a drop of student attendance from three students per game to one,” said a spokesman for the athletic department.

Despite baseball being the most successful program in the history of FAU, attendance from students does not look like it will rise this season. “I am not going unless the Lane Train is up to bat,” said freshman Ramsey McKee, adding that he was not going to support the baseball team this year because he felt that the baseball stadium was too far from his Glades Park Tower dorm room. “Fuck yeah, I was at every football game and I go visit my friends at IVA all the time, but walk to the ballpark? Too far of a walk, my guy!”

Regardless of the FAU football stadium costing the university millions of dollars, the baseball team is still restricted to one of the smaller ballparks in all of college baseball. “Alfred Morris played here,” said McKee when asked about how he felt about baseball’s lack of funding compared to that of other teams.

“Sure, it is actually statistically harder to play in Major League Baseball, but FAU having seven NFL draftees is more important than nine guys going to the show,” said junior Anthony Larson as he scoffed at a stat sheet displaying the seven draftees of fifteen total NFL players in comparison to the 115 FAU baseball players who were all drafted by an MLB franchise.

At press time, an open morning batting practice was held that was attended by nobody. FAU baseball student equipment manager David Rogic sighed at the sight of this but was far from surprised by the lack of attendance. “17 All-Americans, eight NCAA Regional appearances, a Super Regional appearance, $2 hot dogs, and free student tickets and we still can’t get any attention.”