FAU Blames High Out-Of-State Tuition On Zodiac Sign: “I Can’t Help It, I’m A Virgo”

College degrees are really starting to become something that many students are actively chasing; however, in the case of FAU, out-of-state residents are warned since the school is a feisty Virgo sun with a Capricorn moon who will run your pockets dry.

Out-of-state residents are livid about the cost of their tuition. “I might as well have just gone to Columbia University,” said Freshman Aubrey Duncan. “The cost is practically the same per semester.” Tuition is one thing that varies from school to school, but FAU has yet to release an official claim as to why its out-of-state tuition is so high. @FloridaAtlantic on Twitter has been receiving a ton of backlash from these out-of-state residents about tuition, and has only responded by saying “I can’t help it, I’m a Virgo.” 

Hate tweets about the university’s absurd pricing have caught the attention of FAU’s Board of Directors. One of the many tweets reads “Paying practically 60 grand a year at a FLORIDA school, and I have nowhere to park. But I’m glad a new resident hall is where my tuition is going.” The board of directors has collectively come together to compose a comeback tweet, writing “Leave then.” 

FAU’s “high maintenance” comes from their Virgo-like qualities. “Y’all want water and electricity right. If so, then don’t complain about our tuition,” said President John Kelly in an interview with Hoot correspondents. “Running these sprinklers 24/7 really does a number on our water bill, and we have to pay it somehow. So why not price-gouge out-of-state education?”

FAU has been put on blast by insolent teenage girls from Jersey and Virginia. “Daddy’s money – I mean my money – is going to waste by staying at this school,” said Sophomore Deborah Hicks. “If we don’t take a stand and fight for what we know is fair, the same education an in-state student has at a lower price, then this price-gouging will go on forever.”