This afternoon FAU administration announced via email that classes have been canceled for the rest of the Fall 2017 semester. In the aftermath of Hurricane Irma, tree branches have littered the Boca campus, which, along with some minor flooding in parking lots, has made the campus “completely uninhabitable.” “I can’t stand to see my kiddos have to walk on such dirty sidewalks,” said a concerned President Kelly. “Can we clean it? Sure. But can we cancel the entire semester? Absolutely.” Logistically, Kelly explained that all students will receive a passing grade in their enrolled courses, and all professors will be paid for the the entire semester in advance. At press time, not a single person had any complaints, with Florida governor Rick Scott dubbing this a “major win” for Florida education.