This Friday FAU students can witness Lane Kiffin and the football squad lace up their spandex, suck on some mouthguards, and blow the competition away at Howard Schnellenberger Field as they rise up to receive their inaugural load of seamen.
Troy Vante, FAU’s #1 wide receiver, plans on using defensive tactics against the Navy in order to pull out a victory for FAU. “I already know that I’m going to receive a lot of pressure from multiple loads of seamen with a cover 3 defense, but I think the best thing to do is to take each one head on.” Troy plans to keep his head in the game and keep off his knees after catching the ball.
After a disappointing last couple years for FAU’s football program, Kiffin claims he will turn it all around. “We have bigger, rougher, and more passionate members on our team,” he claimed at Thursday’s bonfire rally. “Our offensive linemen are ready to relieve our quarterbacks of any pressure until the whistle pops, our defense is ready to receive as many sacks as possible, and our running backs are ready to thrust into any open hole and take our balls straight to the end zone.”
At press time, Kiffin was seen reminding the student body that the louder and rowdier they are tonight, the more excited the team will get, and the better ride it will be for everyone.