FAU Football Team Receives Three Billion Dollars in Chipotle Gift Cards

In a transformative move sure to change the face of collegiate charity, the Schmidt Family Foundation donated the largest amount of money in FAU history Wednesday morning. However, instead of providing the standard check or building, the foundation decided to spice things up and donate three billion dollars in Chipotle gift cards to the Owls Football team and staff. With exactly 200 people between the players and those involved in operations, the donation splits evenly into 15 million dollars of Chipotle credit per individual. “We realized that a lot of the football players enjoyed Chipotle, and we couldn’t let them go hungry this Spring,” said Schmidt Family Spokesman Dick Schmidt. “Now they each have enough Chipotle to last a lifetime. Hashtag: #philanthropy.”

FAU faculty has been celebrating this donation all morning, with Coach Charlie Partridge stating, “This donation will be great. Not only for the football institution, but for every single individual on campus. When we thrive, everybody thrives.” When asked if he would treat “normal” students to any fast-paced Tex-Mex meals, Patridge said, “Hell nah.”