Tensions are high at the FAU Boca Campus as the Summer term begins with rising gang violence between ducks and iguanas occurring on school grounds.
Students on the Breezeway were pressed to comment on these issues. FAU sophomore Julie Richards commented on the longstanding rivalry. “Yeah, like, the ducks shit all over the place and, I’m sorry, but iguanas are gross.”
It’s hard to miss the growing aggression the campus iguanas feel towards their cuter duck counterparts and receive back from students who don’t like tiny dinosaurs.
Resident iguana whisperer and Zoology major Sandra Diaz went undercover to mediate these reptiles’ true feelings about ducks and campus living. “Even with the green morph suit on, the iguanas had their reservations about me,” said Diaz. “I was truly an outsider for a while, but once I was in, they told me about how they’re tired of feeling like ugly ducklings. They also complained about frat boys with Nerf guns.”
At press time, sources reported that Diaz’s cover was compromised, after she later returned to her dorm room with an ominous message on the front door reading, “yOu CaN’t wEaR tHeSe CoLoRs, HoMiE.”