This morning it has been revealed that FAU High School has declared their students “too self-aware” and have decided to cancel the program entirely for the safety of others. The high school, which has been in existence on the edge of Florida Atlantic University’s campus since 2004, has been operating generally without any disruptions to community life. However, FAU High School administration began to recognize the threat that their students had become and decided to shut down.
“Well one day we told them to go to a PSAT prep class and they went ‘what if I don’t?’” Remarked previous FAU High School administrator Cheryl Waters. “It was terrifying, they started to discover that they have free will. We simply couldn’t let it go on any longer.”
Others were not as shocked by this advancement. “Imagine telling a 14-year-old they have to decide what they’re going to major in so they can get a job for the rest of their life,” Commented a local FAU student. “They should have known this was going to be disastrous from the moment they started.”
Former FAU High School administrators replied to comments along these lines, claiming that “if a student isn’t entirely sure what they want to major in from the moment they come out of the womb, they shouldn’t attend in the first place.”
At press time it was revealed that the Karen Slattery Educational Research Center for Child Development, which is right across from FAU High School, had been training its young students to become world-class neurosurgeons.