On Wednesday morning, sources confirmed that FAU Art History major Max Harding is secretly turned on by poverty. Harding, who has been known to longingly stare at homeless people for extended periods of time, was reportedly found on Tuesday afternoon lighting several one dollar bills on fire after his Aesthetics & Art Theory class. Harding came out to The Hoot in an exclusive interview where he described how good it feels to get a degree that will leave him in a “stunningly hot lower socioeconomic status.”
“I no longer care about who knows my secret: my longing desire to be one with poverty,” said an impassioned Harding as tears strolled down his cheeks. “I’ve always had this deep yearning inside of me ever since I transferred to the College of Arts and Letters. This is who I am! I’m ready to tell the world that my name is Max Harding, and every time I max out my loans or see a long line in the Financial Aid Office, I become voraciously aroused!”
At press time, Harding finally appeared to be at peace with his vehement love of poverty and is prepared to begin accepting it as a true part of his identity. Since then, he has decided to transfer to the Art Institute of Portland and pursue a master’s degree in Creative Writing.