FAU Student Government to Invest in Luxurious $1.9 Million Yoga Ball

Early this week, FAU Student Body President Michael Cairo released his final plans to put the majority of the Student Government Association’s generous budget towards a single luxurious yoga ball.

“When it comes to a big purchase like this one, the students’ needs must absolutely come first. We heard their screams and are excited to deliver,” Cairo said, ignoring the fact that students had actually been screaming the words “parking garage,” not “yoga ball.” Cairo stated that he believes stress levels will go down “dramatically” with this investment and made particular note of the ball’s “lush fair-trade vinyl exterior.”

Many students are excited for the ball’s arrival, including self-identified “yoga ball enthusiast and creepy guy in the gym who stares at you while doing calisthenics” Jim Hempbat. Hempbat told us he’s not yet sure how he’s going to use the ball in his exercises but knows for certain that he’s going to get it all sweaty and not clean it for the next person. So many students have shown their excitement for using it in the gym that the SGA now plans to get rid of all weights and machines to fit queue areas for the yoga ball.

Due to the high cost of the ball, students will likely see a “yoga ball fee” on their bill for next semester. If this fee is not approved, tuition is expected to go up by 30% to cover the cost of the ball. Regardless of whether they will make use of the ball, most students seem excited for both the future of their university and the futures of the SGA members whose resumes will benefit from this purchase.