FAU Student Government Legalizes Recreational Marijuana on Campus

After a failed semester of the campus-wide No Smoking policy, the legislative representatives of FAU’s student body voted unanimously to give up on the policy and instead approve the campus-wide legalization of recreational marijuana use. The Governor of the Boca Raton campus, Christopher Ferreira, issued a statement following the vote stating that the legalization will be effective immediately, and that there are currently contracts in the works with Chartwells to open the first ever on-campus marijuana dispensary. While unprecedented, this move is being seen as a bold step for a University Student Government, which hopes to simultaneously reduce the violent crime rate on campus as well as tackle the current issue of the industrialized prison system in the United States.

CEO of GEO Group and former Board of Trustees member George C. Zoley, who benefits greatly from the industrialized prison system, claimed, “How can they do this? Don’t they see the overwhelming studies that show weed causes AIDS?”

FAU President John Kelly, when asked about how this may affect the university, only commented that it “seemed pretty dope, haha, get it?”

Florida Governor Rick Scott was not as amused: a statement from his press secretary read, “My Lord and Savior Donald J. Trump does not approve of this, so as a spineless reptile, neither can I.”

The FAU Police Department declined to comment, but a leaked report from the FAU Police Chief read, “If we can’t bust kids for their weed any more, what’s left for us to do?”

Despite receiving criticism, the FAU Student Government plans to hold strong against potential backlash. While observing the rise in on-campus snack purchases and student involvement in group yoga exercises, the SG is proud to be the first Student Government in the nation to take bold strokes against both state and federal law.