FAU Tobacco Free Ambassador Program Seeking Snitches

Since 2015, FAU has enforced a tobacco-free policy across all campuses with the hopes of creating a healthier environment for students and staff. In order to enforce these guidelines, the administration has implemented an anonymous tobacco tip line on its website to report any observed violations and are searching for potential narcs to partake in what they call the Tobacco Free Ambassador Program. As a Tobacco-Free Ambassador, one must enroll in a one-hour course that teaches proper snitching etiquette and devote five to ten hours a month to the cause.

“They won’t get back to you,” said Tobacco Free Ambassador applicant Jesse Conwin. “I’ve applied five times. Initially, I was just in it for the free shirt, but then I went through this awakening where I discovered that I hated fun and now I’m just really looking for FAU to enable and validate my tattling on grown adults for engaging in their gross smoke breathing.”

If one is accepted, the position of Tobacco Free Ambassador entails taking 5-15 minutes out of their day to search the campus for people unaware of the policy. If found, the ambassador should either hand a Tobacco Free Florida pamphlet to the fiend or “give them a good talking to.”