FAU Turns to Watering Parking Garages in Hopes of Growing More Spaces

On Friday morning, sources reported gigantic sprinklers being deployed to water the most populated parking garages on campus in an effort to increase their vehicle capacity. It is commonly recognized that due to limited space, securing a parking spot in these garages is not an easy feat, and despite numerous cries from students for the university to expand their parking, FAU has determined that it would be more cost-efficient to organically grow the already existing garages. It is theorized that they will rise level by level as long as they are watered regularly and receive enough sunlight.

“I’m pretty optimistic,” beamed freshman Grace Williams. “When I first heard that my tuition money was funding the creation of these massive sprinklers, I’ll admit that I was a bit hesitant. But once I found out what they were being used for? Ingenious! This is why they get paid the big bucks.”

Despite the positivity of students like Williams, there were skeptics. “Watering the parking garages?” questioned a suspicious Trey Park shortly before a group of armed men in masks hauled him into the back of a black van. “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that. Aren’t these things made of concrete?”

FAU administration was quick to dismiss comments similar to Trey’s, claiming them to be “nonsense” and that there were trained scientists on the case to support their reasoning.

At press time, news had begun to spread about plans to water lecture halls expecting that it will grow more seats.