Five Signs You Are A Depressed Freshman

Do you ever find yourself staring out of your window into the dark nothingness? Just me? Well, if you do, you might be suffering from depression, or something like that. And if you’re not sure if you do have depression, here is a list of five signs that will surely tell you if you have it.

Sign #1: Eating at the Dining Hall

The Dining Hall is one of the many key signs of depression. Why eat there and use your $1,600 meal plan when you can sit in your room and microwave ramen? Walking outside, um no. Human interaction is icky, and if you do have any sort of outside interaction, ask yourself if you have depression.

Sign #2: Having in-person classes

Given our current situation with the pandemic, having an in-person class is a must. Who doesn’t love sitting in a classroom of 25 people for 1-3 hours of your day? It’s not like the majority of the classes are on Zoom, and sitting in the comfort of your room, not paying attention to your professor, is way more COVID friendly than risking your life to actually understand what they are talking about.

Sign #3: Having an Android Device

This should be pretty self-explanatory. 

Sign #4: Completing schoolwork on time

If you find yourself turning in your assignments three days before they’re due, please go seek immediate help from CAPS. This is not okay. Every normal person knows you submit your assignments a minute before they’re due because who doesn’t love keeping their professors on their toes?

Sign #5: Living on Campus

On-campus living is the ultimate sign of depression. Whether you are from out of state or live down the street from campus, you used on-campus living as an excuse to “break free” from your über controlling parents, when in reality, you just didn’t want them to see you cry in your modern house with a kitchen, backyard, and full-sized closet. Who wouldn’t want to trade that life for a small styled apartment, with half a bathroom that you have to share with 4 people?