The FAU Breezeway is excited to welcome a brand new, exciting, slightly obtrusive, foot-traffic halting table this coming Monday: esteemed Fortune Teller and tarot card reader Madame Pi Zeria (pronounced PEE ZAIRH-reeyah, upon her insistence). Pi Zeria will be selling her magical services from 11 am to 4 pm every Monday, cloaked in billowing multicolored scarves that she noted were “not nearly as much of a tripping hazard as one would think.” Mme. Pi Zeria, according to the four foot wide banner that stretches across her domain, is a “Psychic, trust me” who specializes in “Tarot Readings, Astrology Compatibility, Banishings of Negative Energy and premature Student Debt.”
To verify her services were truthful, logical, and incredibly reliable, Pi Zeria noted, in an unfamiliar accent that constantly changed between known familiar dialects, “[H]ow could it not be real? I went into [a] frat mansion yesterday to cleanse [it] after a wild night. After Mme. Pi Zeria touches, no evil touches. No brothers live there no more. The dark cloud of energy relocated.”
Among other miracles, Mme. Pi Zeria is especially proud of her talents at clairvoyance. Conveniently located on the floor beneath the CAPS center, Mme. Pi Zeria’s table is a prime location for grieving and/or vulnerable people to give her money for a talk with her. “It is business strategy,” Zeria stated. “These students need me. They would all be stressed, dependent on illicit substances, or partying if no medium is here to exploit their debilitating anxiety. If college was like that…that would be so sad. I couldn’t imagine it.”
Mme. Pi Zeria will be offering her services next to the Pop Up. If you cannot find her immediately, do not panic. Where you hear the jingling of a hundred bracelets, go.
From us at the Hoot, we wish you a happy spiritual awakening. We think 45 dollars is a pretty good deal for enlightenment, and there is a special early bird discount: buy one enlightenment, get one half-off.