FAU frat bro and campus resident Max Bailey is ready to return to his hometown of Essex, Connecticut this spring break to be reunited with his hyperactive life of partying. Following his big winter break “rager” at an old high school acquaintance’s house where he reportedly played Super Smash Bros. and got drunk off Natty Light, Bailey is excited to see what’s in store for him this spring break trip.
Enduring a grueling half-semester of passing out at every pregame and spending weekends performing sweaty karaoke at O’Brian’s, Bailey has accepted that Boca Raton cannot properly satiate his desire for a fulfilling night out. Members of Bailey’s fraternity, Pi Kappa Phi, chimed in on his departure, insulting his naiveness for missing out on Florida spring break activities. “Max is always sulking about how much Boca sucks and how his hometown’s nightlife is so much better,” said one member of Kappa Phi, Tony Fieve. “Honestly, I’m glad he’s going home. We don’t need a buzzkill tagging along on our nightly Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, or West Palm trips.”
After a nearly three and a half hour plane trip followed by a silent Uber ride from the airport, Bailey finally made it back home, eagerly prepared to indulge in the nightlife he had been dreaming about all semester. Sources indicate that as soon as Bailey made it through the door, his grandmother had already sprawled out the contents of the game cabinet all over the kitchen table. Failing to get into contact with any of his acquaintances and attain any successful matches on Tinder, Bailey was only left with one option of a rowdy night: grandmother and the checkers board.