Freshmen Almost Ready to Bloom

The FAU Freshman class has collectively decided that it is ready to take the next evolutionary step and stop being referred to as “freshmen.” Citing the evidence that its members have completed the “first semester experience,” the class’ primary claim is that it is no longer comprised of tiny sprouts. Members of the FAU faculty, however, have voiced the concern that these freshmen are still technically freshmen. This complex situation has created tension between higher-ups and the class of 2019, who claim that they aren’t as “fresh” as they used to be. “I’ve spent a whole semester at this University… am I really still considered a noob here?” questions undeclared anthropology major Amy Simons. “Why can’t we just make fun of the dual-enrolled high schoolers now?” In defense of the young ducklings, Sociology professor Jacob Goldman claims, “After the initial Fall semester, freshmen fall into an in-between phase in which they question their existential identities.” Although there may be some confusion regarding the academic identification of these first year students, the only thing The Hoot can confirm at this point is that they are still adorable little mini-cupcakes with buttercream icing.