Fucking Loser Celebrates Thanksgiving Alone in Abandoned IRT Dorm Room

While normal students across the FAU dorms have vacated to the warm embrace of their families this Thursday for Thanksgiving break, geology sophomore and Fucking Loser Jeremy Garish spent his Thanksgiving by his lonesome fuckface self in his humble closet-sized Indian River Towers dorm room, like the loser he has always been.

Although most people don’t give a shit, Garish has gone on record saying he is thankful that at least the ducks didn’t leave campus as they are his only true friends, even during the semester when the campus is busy with other humans.

“I sort of thought it would be like the Saved by the Bell: The College Years Thanksgiving special where everyone comes together to make an amazing Thanksgiving dinner, but really it just feels like Screech’s failed porn career,” the Fucking Loser said. “I feel more alone than I did when I ate lunch in the library in high school. Good thing I’m used to it!”

As many go to the tables of Thanksgiving telling stories of the past year, debating politics with a slightly too drunk uncle, and passing out due to eating uncanny amounts of turkey, this shitbag will be tossing the leftover bread remains from his turkey sandwich to the ducks on campus, who will then ditch him after he has finished feeding him.