Grad Student Only Able To Communicate In Exasperated Sighs

Well readers, it’s now October, and you know what that means: the FAU Bookstore finally has the textbooks for your classes in stock. For most of us this doesn’t really matter, but for the few rare creatures known as “grad students” who cannot find their books at Booksmart, and have to purchase books one at a time using real money from Amazon, this is when they can use their financial aid and stock up on the rest of their required readings. Employee Mackenzie Hearsh was the first to catch a glimpse at a rare grad student in the wild. 

“It was amazing,” said Hearsh, 12 ft away from the dedicated mask wearing Hoot reporters. “He walked into the bookstore at around 2pm, browsed the isles for his books, and walked over to the registers with a stack as tall as he was. He put the books down on the counter and, as I was scanning them, went over to the coolers and grabbed two Red Bulls and downed them both.” 

When asked if she spoke to the magnificent creature, Hearsh replied “I asked if he was renting or buying to which he responded in a low, breathy sigh. I could hear the faintest sound of the word ‘buy’ as his will to live left his body mixed with the acrid chemical odor of Red Bull. I asked if he’d like a bag for his books, and, again, that low inhuman sigh. I didn’t know if I should bag the books or put the fella out of his misery. I felt bad. With all of the books, he must have been an English MA student. I hear those are endangered. Poor fella.” 

At press time, the English major was seen taking part in the grad student migration sighing lifelessly and showing off packets of sour gummy bears and extra copies of Ulysses in a display to attract a mate.